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December 1, 2020
Father Peter Zhai
Over these past nine months, I’ve been anxious and full of doubts. I’ve asked, “Are my people ever going to come back? If they are half as discouraged as I am, how can they sustain their faith? Why do such things happen?” People tend to doubt God when faced with hardships and I guess I am no different. I asked God for an answer and I’m still asking. But I do believe that in every crisis God provides opportunities for growing in faith and renewal of hope. And I have not been disappointed in this. During this worrisome pandemic I’ve seen some light in the darkness and experienced some unexpected joys and it has made all the difference.
Like other parish communities in this difficult time, my beloved Chinese ministry in the Archdiocese of San Francisco has suffered greatly – especially by being deprived of cherished communal activities. I too feel deprived. It is not easy for a priest to adapt to an absent congregation. Nevertheless, I gave it a try. Straight away I looked for ways to offer spiritual comfort for my congregation and hold them together. I initiated an online evening prayer service and a program of bible studies. And, rather than postpone our two weekly RCIA classes for six candidates, I offered these online as well.
When San Francisco first mandated its COVID-19 regulations, and our churches were closed, I thought that everything would soon get back to normal. I prayed hard for this, but by Easter I knew we were in for something more serious. We celebrated Easter without even one parishioner. As I processed down the aisle with the two other priests past those empty pews, the darkened emptiness of the place closed in on me. By the time we reached the sanctuary and I raised my eyes to the crucifix, tears were rolling down my face. Suddenly I was with Jesus, alone in that darkened grove next to Calvary. I remained there in that darkened place quite numb until a flame flickered and, as the lighted candles began to dispel the gloom, my sadness lifted, and was replaced with the joy of renewed hope. The clear analogy to COVID’s long night suddenly clicked, and I began to pray for the suffering millions across the globe whose lives have also been darkened that their faith might be strengthened, their hope renewed, and that they may once again find joy in their lives.
The beginning of October the virus took a short break which enabled us to re-open our churches with limited occupancy. By this time our RCIA group had progressed nicely and, by the second Sunday, they were baptized. With all the family and friends, catechists and community members celebrating together, it was almost like being back to normal. After our long exile we were deeply touched by this. The long wait, the hardships, and the sudden transition from darkness to light made it especially memorable. It was truly a sign of God’s loving embrace, an embrace that held the disciples together as they waited in darkness and uncertainty for three long days before the Lord’s resurrection.
I invited my “newly birthed” friends to write some reflections on their journey of faith. I was inspired by their gratitude for their new life in Christ and I thought that you might also be.
Here is the English translation of what they wrote:
“The light I have received at my baptism warms my heart. I was deeply touched by the love of God in the celebration. May the Lord inside me continue to guide me to grow on the journey of faith, hope and love. I believe the Holy Spirit will enlighten me with his wisdom; and united with God’s family, may I dedicate myself to the service of others and brighten other lives around me. All glory be to God.” (Shirley)
“On this beautiful day in San Francisco, I received new life in baptism, and with God’s immense love I became a member of God’s family. A cascade of heavenly light warmed my heart, and filled me with light, hope and joy. I give thanks to all who accompanied me on this journey, and all who participated in this celebration and prayed with me. I have received bountiful blessings from the Lord, and for this I praise and thank him. May Lord grant me perseverance in faith to follow him and be a true witness to the Gospel. Jesus Christ, I believe in you; I love you.” (Carol)
As Divine Word Missionaries, we don’t look for our reward in the usual places such as wealth, honor, power and prestige. We seek the most satisfying reward of all in actions that go directly to the source – our God.
We are there with him in joyful transformations like the baptismal new birth of an adult. Such founts of light as these dispel the terrible dark that afflicts us and carry us through difficult times like COVID. I pray that you may use his light to find your way. May the Lord enkindle his fire of love in our ever-hungry, insatiable hearts.
Divine Word Father Peter Zhai is director of Chinese Ministries, Archdiocese of San Francisco