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Deacons, deacons in training and some of their wives participated in a May 4 training on grief, suicide and mental health at Mater Dolorosa Parish in South San Francisco. (Courtesy photo)
Christina Gray
Catholic San Francisco
Deacons, who are often at the front lines in consoling parishioners suffering personal loss, are being encouraged to support an archdiocese-wide plan to create parish-based mental health ministries.
Ed Hopfner, director of the Office of Marriage and Family Life, and others involved in planning the project made their pitch to a group of about 50 permanent deacons, diaconate candidates and their wives during a diaconate training day May 4 at Mater Dolorosa Church in South San Francisco.
“This is person-to-person ministry. It’s not a sacramental ministry, but it’s a very important ministry where the deacons and their wives can be involved,” Hopfner told Catholic San Francisco.
Hopfner organized the day featuring presentations by three grief and mental health experts with a triple purpose: to de-stigmatize the nature of grief, mental health and suicide; to better educate deacons about different kinds of loss; and to gain their support for creating volunteer-led mental health ministries at every parish in the archdiocese.
“If you are suffering from grief and I come and sit with you, I take on some of the suffering,” Hopfner said. “Shared suffering is lessened suffering.”
Last year, the Archdiocese of San Francisco was one of five dioceses in the nation to win a two-year grant from the University of San Diego to establish mental health ministries based on a model launched by the Diocese of San Diego in 2015.
In San Diego, parish ministry teams composed of trained volunteers serve as “prayerful companions” to fellow parishioners experiencing mental or emotional challenges. They do not serve a counseling capacity but walk suffering people through the treatment process including locating mental health services.
The grant will help the Archdiocese of San Francisco do the same.
“We’ve got a big problem and it is growing,” said Dick Collyer, who was hired last summer as project manager to lead the archdiocese’s mental health ministry. His job over the next two years and perhaps beyond will be to assist parishes as they develop their individual mental health ministries.
Mercy Sister Toni Lynn Gallagher, who as bereavement coordinator for the archdiocese trains consolation ministers for parish work, spoke to the deacons about grief and suicide.
“We think of death, but we must recognize there are many life events that cause grief,” she said, noting injury, illness, old age and loss of job, home or pet as changes that can trigger grief.
Suicide is highly preventable but has seen an alarming rise in recent years, she said. It is the second-leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth among those between 35 and 54, the Centers for Disease Control said in 2017.
Hopfner made a point to include an expert in “reproductive loss.” which he described as abortion, stillbirth and miscarriage. It could include a failure to conceive.
Michaelene Fredenberg, author of a self-published book called, “Changed: Making Sense of Your Own or a Loved One's Abortion Experience” (2008), talked about the long-reaching effects of reproductive loss and the care needed to pastorally respond to it.
“Oftentimes the father suffering from a reproductive loss is totally ignored as all the attention is given to his wife,” she said. “Both are clearly suffering the same loss, but it seems only her grief is acknowledged because she carried the baby.”
Collyer said that he surveyed the deacons group after the event and got nearly unanimous support for the initiative. When deacons were asked about whether they could see the ministry in their own parish, he said, the response was more guarded.
“Ultimately, what we will have to get is the pastor’s support in building these ministry teams,” he said. He and Hopfner acknowledged that certain parishes with cultural communities that do not easily speak about personal issues may find the task more challenging.
In coming months, the concept will be pitched to clergy and Collyer also will visit parishes to educate parishioners who may want to train for a parish mental health ministry role. Professional experience is not the main qualifier.
“It’s the spiritual accompaniment that is the most important,” Collyer said.
“You don’t need a degree in epidemiology or oncology to accompany someone with cancer,” Hopfner said. “It’s the same kind of thing.”